Chuck Versus The Gay Convention
by Ayla Pascal
Summary: Chuck has to go to a gay convention


"You're kidding me," Casey said flatly with a look of horror on his face.

"I'm afraid not," Beckman said briskly, her voice coming clearly over the speakers. "Chuck flashed on the man. We know he's going to the gay convention in San Francisco this weekend. We need you and Chuck to go in as a gay couple."

Chuck was equally horrified. He was beginning to wish he had never come to work today. If he hadn't, then he would have never flashed on the guy who had walked into the Buy More. What was with all of the bad guys walking into the Buy More anyway? It was like the store was some sort of haven for international terrorists. "Couldn't somebody else do it?" he asked.

"No," Beckman sounded adamant, "it needs to be you. We need to know if you flash on anything else."

"Why can't Sarah and Casey do it?" Chuck realized it was a stupid question the minute it came out of his mouth. He lifted his hands up in mock surrender as they all stared at him. "I know, I know," he said with a sigh. "Stupid question."

-***-

"So," Chuck said as he came out of his room. "How do I look?"

"You look grea..." Ellie stopped and stared. "Great," she finished, but without the previous enthusiasm.

"Thank you," Chuck said with a grin. He could see the cogs turning in his sister's mind. The bright pink shirt he was wearing was not something she would have picked out for him, not in a million years.

"So," Ellie said, "are you out somewhere with Sarah?"

Chuck coughed. "No actually," he said. "I'm going out with Cas... John Casey."

Ellie looked surprised. "I didn't know you guys were friends actually. He's always hanging around but I figured he just had a crush on Sarah."

"We're quite good friends actually," Chuck said. He was gratified when Ellie nodded. Obviously she believed him. All those books he'd picked up on how to lie successful were obviously paying off. He felt a brief twinge on his conscience about lying to his sister yet again. "Well then," he said. "I'll be off."

Ellie smiled. "Have fun," she called out as he left the house.

-***-

"What the hell are you wearing?" Casey growled.

Chuck looked down at his clothes. "I thought we were going to a gay convention."

Sarah looked like she was trying to stifle a laugh.

"You look like a giant pink marshmallow," Casey said flatly. "Where the hell did you find that shirt anyway?"

"I dyed one of my white ones," Chuck admitted. He was actually quite proud of his effort. He didn't think he looked that bad. A bit outlandish for the Buy More, perhaps, but he thought he should blend in quite well at the convention. He'd gone online to do research and saw how the people were dressed last year. He stared at what Casey was wearing. All black. "I think you're going to be the one that'll stand out."

Casey just glared at him.

-***-

Chuck couldn't help a smirk. He was right. He blended into the convention perfectly whereas Casey just looked dour in his black suit. He opened his mouth but Casey silenced him with a stare.

"Not one word," Casey snapped.

"Hi!" the man at the gate said. "My name's Jared. You two make a gorgeous couple. No need to ask who tops, is there?" He winked at them.

Casey looked like he wanted to punch the man in the nose. Not that there was a huge difference between that expression and his everyday expression, but Chuck thought that over the past year he had managed to get at least some of the nuances of Casey's expressions down. "The name's Pete," he said through clenched teeth.

The man raised an eyebrow and looked at Chuck. "Well, well, he's a bit of a sour puss today, isn't he?"

Chuck gave him a nervous smile. "He's just a bit cranky because he hasn't eaten." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Casey giving him the glare of doom. "My name's Charles."

The man wrote both their names out on nametags. "Well then, Pete and Charles, I hope you have a lovely day!" He handed them the nametags. "Remember to keep your nametags on at all times!"

-***-

"So," Casey asked for what seemed to be the thousandth time in the past half hour, "have you seen anybody... familiar yet?"

Chuck shook his head. "Not yet."

They had both gravitated towards the bar after they entered and had been sitting there for over an hour. Chuck was beginning to despair of ever seeing the man's face again. It was rather uncomfortable being in here. There were two men, a few seats down, who had spent the entire hour with their tongues down each other's throats. They were now doing unmentionable things. Chuck tried his best not to look. And if that wasn't bad enough, he had been propositioned several times. Each time, he had gestured towards Casey apologetically. One of the men had the cheek to as them for a threesome.

Chuck wasn't sure but he thought Casey might have been a bit annoyed at the amount of attention Chuck was getting. "If you looked a little happier," he tried to say but Casey just ground his teeth at him.

Just then, a handsome middle-aged man with graying temples accidentally stumbled against Chuck. "Arg!" Chuck cried out as his drink ended up all over his lap.

"I'm sorry," the man said apologetically. "Here, let me help you!"

Chuck leaned backwards. "Really," he said as he tried to mop himself up, "there's absolutely no need for you to help me. It was an accident. I can clean myself up."

"But I insist that I must buy you a drink," the man said.

Chuck looked up. "Thank y..."

*FLASH*

Passport ID: Alexander Taleniekov

A man pointing a loaded P90.

KGB

A knife being drawn across a throat.

Red, red, blood spurting everywhere.

*FLASH*

Chuck gasped.

Taleniekov looked concerned. "Are you alright," he peered down at the nametag, "Charles?"

"I'm fine," Chuck said as Casey grabbed his arm. "Look, I'm sorry, but I have to go. My ... partner needs me."

"Understandable," Taleniekov said. "I'm afraid my tastes don't run to the tall serious types, but I do understand their appeal."

-***-

"Okay," Chuck said, once they were in a quiet secluded corner, "he's former KGB. A murderer. He's planning to assassinate somebody today."

"Who?"

"I don't know," Chuck admitted. The Intersect just wasn't accurate enough sometimes. It was difficult enough as it was to decipher all the flashes enough to be able to explain them coherently to Casey or Sarah a few seconds later.

Casey glared at him.

"It's not my fault!" Chuck snapped.

"Well then," Casey said, "you'll just have to go and get more information out of him."

"You can't make him do that!" Sarah's voice crackled over their earpieces. "Chuck doesn't have the experience. The guy will slaughter him."

Chuck let out a deep breath. "I can do it," he said quietly. "I know I can. I want to stop this guy. There was so much hatred, so much anger, in the flash. Whoever this guy is, he's dangerous."

"All the more reason to let Casey handle it!" Sarah protested.

"The guy doesn't like me," Casey said with a smirk. "He likes Chuck."

-***-

"Where's your partner?" Taleniekov asked as Chuck returned to the bar.

"We had a bit of a row," Chuck said. He thought that sounded quite good.

Sarah obviously didn't agree. Her voice echoed in his ear. "Don't do this, Chuck! Leave it to the professionals."

He ignored her.

"Ah," Taleniekov replied. "How unfortunate." His lips curled into a smile. "Or, should I say, how fortunate for me?" He reached over and placed his hand over Chuck's.

Chuck couldn't help a shiver of revulsion that went through him. He fought to keep a smile on his face as he moved his hand away. "I'm loyal to Pete. Please don't do that."

"Of course, of course," Taleniekov said. "I admire loyalty. Especially in my line of business."

Chuck could have punched the air. This was the perfect opening. It couldn't have been more textbook. "So," he said casually, "what is your line of work?"

Taleniekov smiled at him. "If you don't mind, I'd prefer to show you."

-***-

Chuck stared at the plush room. Brocade curtains hung at the windows and he suspected if he took off his shoes, he'd feel soft shag carpet. "This is your room," he said, rather redundantly.

"Yes." Taleniekov smiled lazily at him and leaned on the doorway. "Do you like it?"

"It's very, um, nice," Chuck said. He disliked the look in Taleniekov's eyes.

"Would you like to see the bedroom," Taleniekov offered.

Chuck couldn't think of a polite way to refuse. "Sure," he managed to get out. He walked towards what seemed like the door to the bedroom. Taleniekov came up behind him.

Chuck almost screamed as a knife was pressed against his throat.

"Don't scream, my pet," Taleniekov whispered in his ear. "We wouldn't want to bring your little friend John Casey. Take out your earpiece."

Chuck's blood ran cold and he stiffened. With fumbling fingers, he removed his earpiece and handed it to the man behind him.

"Yes," Taleniekov murmured, "I know exactly who you are, Chuck Bartowski."

With disgust, Chuck realised that Taleniekov was nibbling slightly on his ear. "Why the fuck are you doing that?"

"I didn't lie before," Taleniekov said. "I find you quite attractive."

-***-

"Chuck's in trouble," Sarah said in Casey's earpiece. "I told you he shouldn't have gone."

Casey growled. "It's time he gained some experience," he muttered, aware of the weird looks he was getting from some of the other people. "That boy doesn't know how to stay out of trouble. He might as well be trained enough to get out of it himself."

A "hmmph" noise came from Sarah. "I'm coming in," she said. "Wait for me at the lift."

-***-

"What do you want?" Chuck gasped out, finding it difficult to talk with the knife pressed on his throat. "I'm not this Chuck Bartowski. My name's Carmichael. Charles Carmichael."

Taleniekov laughed, the sound sending shivers down Chuck's back. "Nice try," he murmured. "Your name's Charles Bartowski but you're known as Chuck. You work at the Buy More. You have one sister named Eleanor Fay Bartowski, known as Ellie. You call her husband Captain Awesome. Rather cute nickname, by the way.

Chuck heart plummeted. "What're you planning to do?"

"A rather prominent American gay rights activist will be at this convention. Incidentally, he has also caused my government any number of headaches. He will be, how do you call it, blown up." Taleniekov made an exploding noise. "For now, I think I will keep you alive though. I like you, my boy."

Chuck shuddered. He couldn't complain with the being kept alive bit but he wished the man would stop leaning against him and breathing on him.

-***-

"Hands up!"

Chuck looked up. "About bloody time," he tried to say though the gag.

Sarah came running over and untied it. "Are you alright?" she asked, looking concerned. Casey just stood there glaring around at the surroundings.

"He's gone," Chuck said once the gag was out of his mouth. He coughed. The gag really tasted disgusting. Sort of like a mixture of gasoline and pepper. He looked down at the rag. By the looks of it, that was exactly what had been on the rag.

"We can tell," Casey said, his voice dangerously quiet.

Chuck explained the situation to them and watched as both their faces paled. "There's a bomb in this building somewhere," he said, as he finished. "I don't know where though."

"Some use you are," Casey muttered.

Sarah glared at him. "Without Chuck's help, this entire building would have gone up in a great big fireball later this afternoon."

"That could still happen," Casey pointed out.

Chuck stood up and stretched his muscles slightly. He looked down at his shirt. The pink shirt was stained slightly with blood and sweat. "Well," he said, trying to make a joke, "we can't go back downstairs again. Not dressed like this."

Casey growled. "We most certainly will."

-***-

"Had a fight?" The short man looked at them in a concerned manner.

Casey turned around and glared at him. "That's none of..."

Chuck hastily grabbed his arm and leaned over to plant a kiss on Casey's cheek. "You could put it that way," he said with a wink.

The man's face relaxed. He grinned at them and then walked off.

"I suppose we ought to act like more of a couple," Casey said grudgingly. He intertwined his fingers with Chuck's.

A shiver slid down Chuck's back. He decided to put it down to adrenalin. Or disgust. A part of his mind told him it wasn't anywhere near the feeling he had felt when the Russian had touched him, but he ignored it. "So," he said, "where do we begin looking?" He scanned the room. It looked perfectly normal to him, but then again he wasn't the secret agent. He turned and looked at Casey.

Casey was looking equally bewildered, but more like a bewildered rottweiler than Chuck's impersonation of a bewildered kitten.

"ATTENTION!" the loudspeakers blared. "There will be wine and cheese for all couples in the Pavilion Room. Will all couples proceed to the Pavilion Room immediately?"

All around them, couples began to move. Chuck found himself and Casey being swept along with the crowd. "What do we do?" he whispered.

Casey indicated his earpiece. "Sarah just called the bomb squad. She's already cleared the Pavilion Room. They're putting us in there for safety. They don't want to cause undue panic and to get us all outside at the moment..."

"The protesters," Chuck finished. He nodded.

-***-

Chuck sipped his champagne and wrinkled his nose at the bubbles. They fizzled rather unpleasantly in his stomach. He cut himself a slice of cheese and ate that in an attempt to settle his stomach. He knew that elsewhere in the building, Sarah and the bomb squad were sweeping the building for bombs. That thought made him incredibly nervous.

"Stop looking like that," Casey told him out of the corner of his mouth.

Chuck frowned. "Like what?"

"Like somebody just killed your puppy!" Casey snapped. "We're supposed to be happy. Eating cheese. Drinking wine. Things like that."

"Then shouldn't you look... well... happier?" Chuck pointed out. He knew he wasn't exactly Mr Cheer at the moment but he was pretty sure that Casey's face wasn't going to win the Mr Happy of the Year Award.

The corners of Casey's lips twitched slightly upwards. "Better?"

"Slightly," Chuck said. He didn't want to tell Casey that the look made him look slightly maniacal. The couples around them were all edging away, looking at him with sympathy. "Look, shouldn't we try to be a bit more friendly with each other? Like everybody else?" He reached over to take Casey's hand.

Casey moved his hand at the exact same time and Chuck managed to overbalance and fall over flat on his back. "Woah," he said as he rubbed his eyes, seeing stars. He had managed to fall and slide half under the huge table in the middle of the room. He looked up.

Chuck scrambled up to his feet quickly. He grabbed Casey's arm, ignoring the other man's glare. "There's a bomb under that table," he muttered.

Casey paled and ducked down to look under the table. He came back up looking incredibly angry. "Sarah," he snapped. "Didn't you say you had swept this room?" He tilted his head to the side as he was listening for the response.

"What'd she say?" Chuck demanded.

"Somebody must have just put the bomb here," Casey said.

Chuck immediately started looking around the room. It looked perfectly normal with couples laughing and drinking but he was beginning to feel a sinister feeling crawling down his back. There was somebody in this room who was a murderer. An ex-KGB murderer. Unless Taleniekov had an accomplice.

"There," Casey said suddenly. He pointed to their right.

Chuck looked and saw Taleniekov disappearing into a wall. "There must be a secret passageway!"

Casey looked at him. "No shit, genius." He began to run towards the wall and Chuck followed. "Stay here," Casey ordered when they got to the wall. "It's not worth your safety. The bomb squad will deactivate the bomb when they get here."

"I'm coming," Chuck said adamantly.

They both stared at the wall together. "How do we get in?" Chuck finally asked.

-***-

It seemed to take them forever to figure out how to get into the secret passageway. In reality it was only five minutes by Chuck's watch. As they hurried along the low passageway that went along the side of the building, Chuck could feel his heart pounding. "He might have gotten away by now," he muttered.

"Shut up," Casey snapped.

They suddenly emerged into a brightly lit room where Taleniekov was pointing a gun at them. Casey started reaching for his weapon but Taleniekov waved his and shook his head. Casey's hand stopped in mid-air.

"No weapons," Taleniekov said. "Chuck, I'm disappointed in you. To think that I'd leave you, my pet."

Casey raised an eyebrow.

"He's delusion," Chuck said quickly. "Nothing happened between us."

"Nothing yet anyway," Taleniekov said with a maniacal grin.

Chuck frowned. He couldn't see how they were going to get out of this one. Perhaps Casey could save them.

Chuck glanced over at Casey but the man seemed to be looking at a spot over Taleniekov's head. He looked back over at Taleniekov whose eyes seemed fixated on Chuck's. Slowly, subtly, he tilted his back slightly to widen his peripheral vision. He could just see a dark shadow appear at the corner of the ceiling.

There was movement.

Suddenly, the shape dropped down behind Taleniekov.

BANG.

One shot was fired and Taleniekov fell.

Sarah shook her hair out and grinned at their startled expressions. "There was another secret passageway," she explained. "People have been moved to another room. The rest of the place is clean. The bomb's been deactivated."

"Thanks," Chuck finally managed to say.

-***-

There was something completely anti-climactic about having to go to work at the Buy More the next morning after thwarting a Russian plot to blow up a gay convention.

"Chuck!" Big Mike bellowed as he walked by. "Look less sleepy!"

Chuck lifted his head up and tried to look around with a bright smile.

"Hey man," Morgan said as he came up behind him. "What's this I heard about you being at a gay convention with Casey yesterday?"

"Uh," Chuck said, feeling a thread of panic, "nothing! Who told you that?"

"I heard it from Anna," Morgan said, jerking his finger towards her. "One of her friends was at the convention."

"He must have been high or something," Chuck said.

Morgan frowned. "That's possible," he finally said. "I know the friend. He tends to take a lot of drugs." He laughed. "Besides, what would you do with Casey? You're not gay!"

Chuck let out a sigh of relief as Morgan walked off. That was a close call. The latest in a lot of close calls. He looked around and spotted Casey in DVDs. He watched as Casey bent over to place a DVD on a shelf.

Damn it, Chuck thought and then turned back to his work.


End file.
